Redeeming myself (it's a bit long)

After I got out of the Army in the summer of 2001, I collected unemployment for a time while looking for a job.  I applied at various places but didn't hear back from anyone for some time.

In 2002 I was able to snag 2 part time jobs, one delivering newspapers, the other being an assistant cook / dishwasher at a school.

I enjoyed my newspaper routes, I really did.  Most of the folks whom I delivered too were very kind and liked to chat if they seen me walking up and down their street.  I liked getting up at 4 or 5 a.m. on Sunday morning, heading down the the newspaper place, grabbing my stacks, sit in the car rolling 'em all up and heading out to do my route in the dark.

During the Christmas holiday one time, I think I made $70 in tips.  I believe some gave other gifts as well, it's been so long, it is hard to remember.

The down fall of delivering newspapers is that it didn't pay a lot unless you had 4 or 5 different routes (I started with 1, then moved on to 2), and then they took out of your check the cost for rubber bands, plastic bags and if there was a complaint from a customer and some higher up had to fix it, that came out of your check too.

While doing newspapers, I began a job working at the Catholic school down the street from my house as an assistant cook / dishwasher. (I eventually stopped the newspaper thing a few months after beginning at the school because doing 2 routes, plus the school plus church activities were draining me).

This job didn't pay a lot either.  They couldn't afford to.  They had a fixed budget and the cafeteria got the bottom of the barrel when it came to funding.

But like with the newspaper routes, I put my best foot forward, went to work every day and made the best of it.

There were 3 or 4 of us who worked in the cafeteria.  Me and the cook got along great.  We became really good friends.  We blasted the radio while making the lunches / salads, joked around with the students, yapped with the teachers, laughed and just had a good time and did what we had to do.

When the cook got sick and had to go to various doctor appointments and eventually surgery (after a few days at home, she came back to work), it was all on me, a 21 year old to make sure the children got breakfast and lunch and maintain all the other little details that go along with being a cook.

I made a menu, put in the order for what we would need for the week and came in while it was still dark in the mornings to begin the day. Massive ovens turned on, check! Fryer on, check! heating tables on, check!  I didn't mind though.   I rolled up my sleeves and got to work on breakfast and lunch each day.

Thankfully during this time I didn't have to do the dishes, serve for all the grades, or wash the tables / sweep the floor as was my usual duties.  The school had a few ladies come in and volunteer so everything wasn't on my shoulders during that week.  What a wonderful help that was.

If you have been reading my blog for any length of time, you may remember saying that it was in the summer of 2001 I got saved.  At a Pentecostal Holiness church.  A conservative one at that...long skirts / dresses, no make-up, jewelry, no cut hair, no pants / shorts, higher education frowned upon unless it was at their Bible school,   women were to be keepers at home...you know the deal.  The conservative Mennonite church was like that too. I remember a time during one of my instruction classes to join the Mennonite church, I casually broached the subject that I was thinking of going to college online.  It was met with silence since they don't allow the Internet in their home and the ladies don't really go to college.  Single girls usually have a job and married ones, well you know, they're married, usually with a home full of wee ones.

So after a while of silence the minister asked what I would do with a college degree.  I said 'I don't know, just something to have I suppose'.  Then he suggested instead of that why didn't I just get a part time job instead.  My jaw almost dropped.  I couldn't believe what I was hearing coming from a conservative Mennonite's mouth.  I was a married woman after all.  I told him with us only having 1 car and my husband having crazy hours it was hard to do that.  Going to school online was easier.

You know how that story ended.  I didn't join the Mennonite church after all, although I remain in contact with them am still friends with most of the ladies.  :-D

 Back to my time in the Pentecostal church....well of course at ladies Bible studies and many of the services it was constantly preached from the pulpit that women were to be at home and that it was a sin for them to work outside the home. Heard over and over again.

In 2003 the pastor was really getting on me for still working even though I rarely missed soul winning, Bible studies, church services.

I don't remember the day or month, but eventually I went up to Mr. Rodriguez' office (supervisor) one day at the school and told him I had to quit because "I felt like I was sinning by working" and that "women should be at home".  I didn't want to leave, I liked what I did.  I felt like a zombie just repeating what I've been told.  He pleaded with me to at least finish the school year off, but I couldn't because I didn't want to die and go to hell for working when the Bible clearly states my places was in the home.

I know when I told my husband I had to quit he was a bit hesitant and didn't understand why but he respected me enough to know what I was doing.

So, I quit.  But I still went to help out as a volunteer when I wasn't soul winning, or at a Bible study.

I have been a "keeper at home" for 9 years now (OMG, has it really been that long?).  Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy keeping my home, doing laundry (yes, I really like doing laundry, it's one of my favorite chores...I hate dusting though, thank God for Pledge wipes!), making meals, shopping, taking care of the bills, taking care of the car, you know...all the things that go in to making a house a home and making sure the hubby is well taken care of.

The last few years though I feel like there is this unfulfilled void  in my life. (Well, of course there is Dawn!!). Not a big one or anything, but this feeling like I need to do something else with my life, especially if no kidlets are involved.

I didn't feel like it was a sin anymore to work outside the home or obtain a degree in higher education.  But at the same time, Titus 2:5 would swirl around in my mind and out those thoughts went.

Fast forward to early 2012.  The itch to get a job grows.  I want to be an asset to this world and contribute my time, talents, efforts, etc.  Besides I enjoy working, meeting new people, etc.

But I was too afraid to apply anywhere  -- Titus 2:5.

 To bring in a little extra income I was selling on eBay.  I made enough to pay a bill, put gas in the car, buy groceries, and even go out to dinner or lunch with the man of my life. Due to some circumstances, I have to put eBay on hold (ugh!!!).

I also started taking surveys with various companies.  Too me, it's fun.  :)  Mind you, it doesn't pay much at all.  It's pretty much chump change, but I use it to pay for my Wynonna concerts. 

Here we are in September, me questioning every thing I had ever been told in Christianity (hooray for being able to step away for a time and just think, read, ponder, things for myself), and I took the plunge.  I've began applying for jobs online. 

It feels liberating to say the least.   I don't feel like I am hell bound.  I feel free, for the first time in a long time.

Because of our 1 car situation, I can only apply to places that I can walk too.  The Dollar General Store already rejected me.  I'm okay with that.  Kroger and Wal-Greens are not hiring store associates.  I still haven't heard from Save-A-Lot and I still have yet to put an application in at the Dollar Tree.

With only 4 years of limited work experience, I would be amazed if any one would be willing to hire me.  I'm a hard worker and do what I am told, if they will give me a chance to prove myself.  I will do what I can though and hope for the best.

Do any of you know of any legit work at home companies that are hiring?

I still plan to go to college some time when finances get better.  Not sure for what.  I do love writing though.  Hubby said I should go for communications.  We'll see.  I have looked in to Liberty University online because they had quoted me an extremely HUGE discount because I am prior military, plus also a military spouse.  We shall see.  Can't do anything about all that right now anyway.

I leave you with this.  Run like the dickens from churches and people who tell you, you are hell bound and living in sin for seeking to improve your life. RUN!

Love,

Dawn

P.S. Please do not think I am all of a sudden some anti keeper at home feminist.  I am not.  I am all for a woman being at home (especially when there are children involved), but it is also not a sin for a woman to help contribute to the family's income if she has to.  It is not even a salvation issue. Sometimes a woman has no choice but to work.  She should not be looked down upon and thought of any less because of it.