Ahhhh good ol' vices....we all have them. They don't usurp the authority of YHWH /GOD in your life, but they are something you 'can't seem to live without' and that you hold near and dear, maybe taking up a lot of your time every day. They aren't sinful of course (well, I hope they wouldn't be!), but it's just something you love and don't want to part with.
What are your vices? You get no judgement from me. For many people it can be hours on Facebook, hours with their nose in books, people sewing for hours on end, chocolate every single day, drinking avid amounts of coffee (I know many folks who can't begin the day unless they have had their cup 'o joe), etc.
My vices are: body glitter , frosting out of a can (gross I know right? Forget candy bars / ice cream / cookies...when I want something sweet, it's frosting for me), end of the world movies and Wynonna / The Judds. Not necessairly in that order of course. Besides YHWH / GOD and the His Church / Word, these 4 things are my comfort vices.
Body glitter is so much fun. I LOVE it! And yes, I do wear it with my cape dresses. :) I don't pack it on like I'm a show girl or anything, I just love the sparkle and shine of it.
I go in phases with the frosting thing. Right now it's one of my things that I 'must have'. But I'm getting pretty sick of it already, lol. Eventually I will get sick of eating it and won't touch it for months or a year or so.
End of the world movies have always been my fascination.
And Wynonna / The Judds...what can I honestly say? When I was 14 years old, a new girl by the name of Jillian showed up at the high school (who is still my friend to this day) and who listened to country music (I did not at the time) and Wynonna / The Judds were one of her (S)heros. She had me listen to them and I was hooked. Thanks Jillian. :)
When I had my personal encounter with YHWH/GOD in 2001 and had Him come into my heart & soul, I belonged to a conservative Pentecostal church that frowned on any type of music unless it was southern gospel. Everything else was 'worldly' Like a good new Christian, I obeyed what the Pastor said and got rid of all my Judd CD's / t-shirts / memorabilia, etc. because I wanted nothing more than to please GOD.
Even after I left that church in 2005 and got involved with the Anabaptist ways, I never really gave Wynonna's music another thought. My mom would call me and tell me her or Naomi were on such and such show or whatever but it didn't phase me really.
In 2011 if you have read my blog long enough you know I was going through a rough spiritual time where I pretty much forsook YHWH/GOD and starting turning back into worldly pursuits while dabbling around in some New Age stuff...even considered Atheism for awhile but realized how lonely Atheism really is in the long run. And deep down I knew He was real and existed, I was just hurting.
During this time I was taking my instruction classes to join the Mennonite church (I love those people, they mean a lot to me). One day I decided to go to http://www.wynonna.com . Have no idea what prompted me to do so, I hadn't thought of her for years.
I checked the tour dates and seen that The Judds were back together for a few more tour dates and seen they would be coming to Durant, OK in August. It had always been a dream of mine to see The Judds in concert (my other dream is too meet them!) and I felt that if I didn't get the chance to see them now it would probably never happen again. So, I took the plunge and went and did not have 1 single solitary regret.
Mind you, the Mennonite church does not pursue these things. They consider them worldly and appealing to the flesh.
Some one ended up telling the minister shortly after (I know who it was as she reads my blog, which is fine and this is all in the past anyway, but I have to get it out in order to finish my story) that I had gone to this and we had a long chat.
He even said that concert going was not sinful in itself but that it appeals to the sensual flesh / senses and it's avoided. I already knew their stance on the matter, but I didn't care (remember at this point I wasn't really serving YHWH anymore).
I came alive at this concert. Something inside of me stirred. I wanted to sing again, wanted to play guitar. I had missed 14 years of seeing Wynonna in concert, 10 of those years were because of what the man of GOD preached) and I grieved for all the time lost that I could never get back. I could have met her by now, ya know? :)
I seen that The Judds' last concert was to be performed in Marksville, LA in October 2011 and I knew I just had to be there for their final concert.
I did go and had the time of my life.
I think I took a break from instruction classes after that. I felt like I was being squelched.
Late December 2011 / January 2012 I fessed up to the deacon that I just couldn't continue on with instruction classes. Trust me, it's rough for a non Anabaptist to conform to the strict conservative Mennonite church. My bonnet goes off for those who make it on all the way. :-D
Shortly after, I went to Tulsa to see Wy. Had a front row seat!
Whenever I go to one of her concerts, something stirs inside of me to pick up my guitar and practice singing again. I guess maybe a long lost dream that I never fulfilled. I also do something I never usually do...I dye my hair red before every concert. (Wy has red hair).
Well, you know, here we are, just a few hours away from August 2012. In March 2012 I repented of my sinful ways and how far I had strayed and came back under His wing.
I went back for a visit to the Mennonite church to see if He did want me there. No He did not. Of course everyone was super friendly to me and gave me hugs, and as bad as I wanted to be a part of them, I just couldn't hack it.
It was at this time that being a Torah Keeping / Messianic Anabaptist began to take it's toll on me. Remember, I became TO around 2008-2009 whilst attending the Mennonite church.
Torah keeping was starting to become a yoke of bondage me. It really did and I was miserable. Yes, I had the grace and mercy of Jesus Christ, but *had* to keep all the Old Testament stuff along with it? What a heavy burden it was to keep it all (well not all of course. No TO person actually keeps all the Torah, otherwise we would still be stoning our children & sacrificing animals among other things)
I know right now this movement is very prominent.
So I remember sitting on the couch going 'GOD, what do I do, where do I go?'
And of course, you know how it ends, I've returned back to the One true faith that I originally left at the age of 16 years old. Catholicism wasn't even a hint in my eye either. Funny how that works.
Now, what does all my rattling have to do with anything?
I'm trying to find a balance between being Plain and Catholic.
The Catholic Church is extremely 'worldly'. They really don't have standards. Everyone is pretty much left to their own devices. I guess they just figure we are all mature enough to make our own decisions, even if they don't line up with Scripture.
I still hold to a lot of Anabaptist views.
I love Wynonna. I still plan on seeing her in concerts in the future. Yes, before her concerts, I will dye my hair red. Is that worldly or vain? Most Christians would say 'yes'. They would also say that shaving your legs is vain / worldly as well. For me, it's just fun. Sometimes it's good for me to step out of the 'Christian persona' (I couldn't think of another word for it) for a few hours and just be the me I've squelched down all these years. Does that mean I forsake YHWH? No way. Just enjoying a few hours of letting my hair down so to speak. I'm not drinking, I'm not smoking, I'm not doing drugs, I'm not wearing jeans / makeup / jewelry, I'm still modestly dressed in a skirt / top. I guess I'm just being the me that I never got to be at these concerts.
So, where does the balance of being Catholic and Plain come in? I'm having a hard time trying to find it. Plus, I really do miss the Mennonites. I've been keeping in touch through letter writing and I hope to go out for a visit soon. Haven't been there since March. Also, some of the sisters and I are getting together soon for a 'girl date'. :)
Sigh.... balance....the next obstacle I must figure out.
Thank you for letting me rattle your ear off, I feel so much better. :-D
Love,
Dawn
(August 2011, dyed my hair red for the 1st Judds concert)
6 comments:
My dear sister and friend....I could have written that myself, though I love Wynona, I am not as avid a music fan as yourself. NO, there is nothing wrong with it. David danced before the Lord, but you will find most churches frown ferociously on dancing! Balance is hard to find. I thought I had found my home in the RCC too, but found as you are finding that it is very secular, very nonchalant in so many ways about serving God. That's why I have come to the Orthodox church. I can receive the Body and Blood of my Savior, which is my life, but I can still be a human being. I can find the heavenly feeling of the chanting and the incense (the way the RCC used to do things) and I love it. I walk away knowing I had an encounter with God. I still love the Shema from my Messianic days, I still love the family feel of the Baptist churches that I used to have, I still find so many truths in even non-Christian faiths and fellowships....but for me the Orthodox church has always been what it is and over 2000 years of stability is something you can't find anywhere else. I wish for you to find peace and balance and the ability to worship God and still be the human He created you to be. Love you soooo much!!
Robert and I joined the Byzantine Catholic Church which is not Roman at all. The Roman Catholic Church is very Western. The Byzantine Catholic Church is part of the Easter Rite and very much Orthodox in everything, but they still are under the headship of the Pope.
The Orthodox services and Byzantine Catholic services are very very similar, I guarantee it. :)
just take each day as it comes. the Lord will show you the balance that you are longing for. I know I am slowly, but surely finding that balance, contentment, joy and peace in the Orthodox Church. its been a long time coming, but I'm getting there! blessings!
still looking for balance also, everyone thinks their church,etc is the only true one, alot to sift through in them all.
Dear Dawn, You are a very sincere follower of Jesus and He will never abandon you. Be patient, as you strive for an understanding of His will.
En los Corazones de Jesús y María...
Lora Goulet
http://www.onethirdacrefarm.com/
http://www.caminolamancha.com/
Dear Sister, I know it's hard finding the balance. I struggle all the time but you have to take it day by day. It's not as black and white as we would like it to be. We'll go through periods where we question why we are doing what we are doing and missing out on things. Then we will feel guilt for allowing ourselves to "stray" from the "laws".
We are all YHWH children and he loves us all the same. Even when you're not really feeling it always remember your fathers door is always open welcoming you back.
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