I feel as if the Bible / God has lied to me. God has forsaken and left me as He has with pretty much the rest of the world.
We (Christians) ask, seek, knock, and wait. Ask, seek, knock, and wait. Repeat for the 100th time.
Ask and it shall be given to you. Yeah right. Especially if one is asking for something as basic needs to be met, they always go unmet by a God who claims to care for you.
Seek and ye shall find. We seek for purity and holiness / righteousness and to serve Him with our whole heart. We give our utter devotion and life to Him. Why doesn't He help His children? Why does He continue to let them wallow in their misery to the point one of His own thinks about taking their own life because they have no hope left.
Knock and the door shall be opened unto you. How long shall we knock for? 20, 30, 60 years?
As I watch people suffer, I yell 'WHERE ARE YOU!!!!!' to the sky and get no answer.
As I watch good honest Christians with their houses falling apart, no money for food, bills or gas, I yell 'I THOUGHT YOU TAKE CARE OF YOUR PEOPLE, WHY AREN'T YOU HELPING THEM?' to the sky and get no answer.
The Bible states that the rain falls in the just and the unjust. I agree with that. Christians and non Christians alike are not exempt from the trials of life, but where is God to be of comfort or for some assistance?
If we want or need something done we are going to have to do it ourselves because if we 'wait on God' we will be waiting for years and years.
I once put all my hope, faith, trust, security, dreams, wants, desires, in you God. I trusted you and your Word and Believed with everything I had in me.
Why have you departed and forsaken me and others when we needed you the most? WHY????
:****-(
I can't do it anymore.....
The pain is too much. I can't keep crying out to you and get nothing in response.
It hurts. It hurts.....
Saturday, August 6, 2011
:(
Posted by Dawn at 6:17 PM
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31 comments:
:( I'm sorry for you being in pain. It feels awful when you feel God has left your side.
I understand how you feel. I have bipolar and fibromyalgia. I wish God would come down and heal me in an instant. I know he can and I've prayed until I'm blue in the face, and it's not happened.
It's easy to get discouraged. I am angry I have pain, mental and physical, but I feel it's my thorn in the side like Paul said. It's the one thing that keeps me grounded and humbled. I talk to God more when I feel awful so it's a blessing within a curse.
Every person has their own trials and tribulations, their cross to bear. I know we don't know God's thoughts but I figure everything happens for a reason and even though we can't see why, later on in life it'll make sense.
Praying for you to have comfort of your soul and mind.
hugs
oh I also wanted to let you know...if you are on facebook you can friend me ( http://www.facebook.com/Kristenmomof3 )
big hugs
I deleted FB a few months back. Too much 'noise' on there... =)
Hi Dawn, I am sorry to see what you are going through. I can imagine that the feeling you are going through are very painful. Please don't give up on yourself and humanity. The things you may be asking for might still be possible if you just shift your focus. I really do hope the best for you and I hope you pull through this dark place you have found yourself in. When I start feeling really sorry for myself, I remind myself that someone, somewhere, has it much, much worse. It is the only reminder I need to start appreciating what I do have. (not that you are the same as me, just saying how it is for me) (hugs)
Hello Dawn,
I know you don't know me at all...but in my quest for trying to be a better Christian, Wife..and Woman..I ran across your blog. I immediately felt that you had such a wonderful message to share and wanted to get to know you better. I have added you to my list of blogs that I read. I myself have been pretty sick for the last couple of months and had some time to just sit around and feel pretty sorry for myself. Actually, really really sorry for myself. But your blog was one that seemed to jump out at me and helped me...Please don't give up all your Faith and Trust in God...My thought is..that maybe some of this suffering...just makes me more able to be a better witness and more kind hearted to others. Maybe I wouldn't be the kind of person that I am now if I was in super health and had all the money I desire..maybe God knows that I would be an "ugly" person that way..I just keep that in my mind and the thought that others are having it worse off than me. I have been through so much in the last couple of yrs...if you check out my blog..you would see that I've had my fair share...but through it all..I keep chugging along and surrounding myself with good people that Love God...I will pray for you...I REALLY will..I would so like the opportunity to get to know you better. I have met some of the nicest ladies through my blog. They've prayed for me through sickness..financial trials, and even some losses..
Pray for the Holy Spirit to come into your heart and lead you past this dark path...there is more than this to come...we must focus our sights on Heaven :):)
I'll be praying for you....
Love and Blessings, Jerelene
I wish I could give you a big hug. I'm so sorry you have being feeling low.
I will give you my advice. You think for yourself, you always have. So I know that if what I tell you goes against your convictions, you will disregard it.
I think you need a job. I think you need to stay so busy that you don't have time to think about yourself for a while. I can see you doing something like nurse's assistant. You can throw yourself into work, and then you can help people that are struggling. Even if it is just one person or your own family. Whatever your trials are, if you stay so busy you will not have time to be sad. You will be too tired. But that will be, for a while, a good thing.
Good Luck!
Jerelene,
I've seen you post on Tabby's blog- 'On the Narrow Path to Godly Womanhood'.
Tabby and I were the best of friends till she severed our friendship earlier this year. :(
I know we all go through horrific things in this life. No one is exempt.
I do surround myself with Godly people, I belong to a Mennonite church, a great bunch they are, but it still doesn't make the questions, the doubts, the lack of response from Him go away.
I've hardly ever prayed for myself except for when it was really needed. When I prayed I always prayed for others, their needs, their hurts, etc, because I've always liked putting others before me, serving them in some way.
But prayer just doesn't seem to work, at least not for me. I might as well talk to the cats outside.
I have to wonder, am I talking into thin air or is God really there?
How nice of you to join my blog. I apologize if it's a bit doom and gloom at the moment, I'm just trying to find myself I guess. Feel free to bear with me over the next few weeks / months. =)
Normally I am pretty happy gal who is strong and knows what she believes and wants out of life and loves God with all her heart. You can see that in other posts of course. =)
To the poster after Jerelene,
I thank you for your kind words.
I actually do stay pretty busy, but I understand what you are saying.
I do enjoy helping others, it's one of my favorite things to do, to help fill a need if I can.
Convictions change by the way. Just go back and read my blog posts from 2007 till now and you will see I have changed in my beliefs and thinking. =)
I'm using my blog as a sounding board. What I post may offend some and they may stop reading but I'm just trying to find myself I suppose.
I am only being real.
Tschuss!
Dawn, I tried to leave a comment but my keyboard is giving me fits.
CALL ME: 817-688-9388, anytime in the afternoon, after 1:00.
I don't know what's up, but I'll bet God has not left you... maybe you just need some girl talk?
Talk to you soon??? LOVE YOU!! Kelly
Dawn, thanks for answering me. I felt so horrible last night...It bothered me so terribly how sad you seemed. Please, I hope you don't think I was trying to be bossy..Just concerned. If you don't mind..do you keep the 7th-day sabbath? It is such a blessing to me.
I want you to know that I have been praying for you and will continue.
A couple of years ago...my oldest daughter lost her boyfriend..he died of an aneurysm and my other daughter..we found out was pregnant and then lost the baby. During that time we also found ourselves without a home and had to find a new place to live...it was so hard..I felt lost...Please don't give up..Cling to Romans 8:28...
I'm sorry about what happened with Tabby...I don't really know her..just started clicking around looking for some personal encouragement..and that is how I came across both of you:) I keep the sabbath and have just recently started covering my head...Please know that I will continue to keep you in my prayers...
Love and blessings, Jerelene
I am a Sabbath keeper as well. =) And cover my head...keeps Torah / feasts...and yet belongs to a Mennonite church. Makes perfect sense, right? =)
I'm just trying to find my way in this world. I'll get there, I know I will.
Bless you.
Dawn, when did you become a member? I didn't know that, but I'm happy for you! Is there not counself you could seek within the church? I know everyone loves you very much! So do I. Now call me please!
(((hugs)))
Kelly
Sorry, *counsel*...I am typing without my glasses. *smile*
I have been there with you. It has been so tough for us. Beloved is still looking for a new job, 2 years later and the bills are barely getting paid. We have prayed and prayed. I still love and believe in God, but it is so hard sometimes to just hang in there. I will keep you in my prayers.
I haven't become a member (I wouldn't be on the Internet if I was)...I'm taking instruction classes though to become a member though but I don't think it's the right thing for me to do.
Who knows...
I don't have any peace about this decision so I don't know what to do about that at the moment.
I don't even know what made me stand up and request membership a few weeks ago...what in the world was I thinking?
Nah, I don't want to talk to anyone in the brotherhood, it's already starting to get weird with some 'interesting' questions they've been asking me.
I'm not the type of person who opens herself up to others easily...just ask my husband...lol.
I'm very private and hidden...and a bit 'off' but that's me. =)
I am so sorry you're hurting, I cannot imagine what you are going through. I'll be praying for you. For everything! Write me, I keep looking for a letter.
Dawn, we've talked occasionally through your blog, not sure if you remember me. Well, you've been a big blessing to me, so I hope sharing my experience might bless you too.
5 years ago this was my situation. My marriage of 6 years was falling apart and after 5 years of trying and 2 losses (the last at 16 weeks), we faced never having a family. I felt like God had abandoned me. I began taking antidepressents, gained 50 lbs, and wallowed in my misery all day. The pills increased my appetitie and lowered my inhibitions so I just went wild. My husband, didn't know how to help me, so we grew further and further apart.
Then I started coming across some blogs such as yours and a few others. My husband went out to visit his parents in CA, and came on on fire for God once more. We finally sat down and talked, prayed. We told God we'd leave it in his hands. We wanted to be parents so badly, but if that wasn't His plan, then we would accept that. We started going to church again. I went back to school and graduated that summer and even signed up for some extra classes that fall.
About a week after fall semester started, I got a horrible sinus infection. I went to the doctor and as we were talking I just spat out "Can you run a pregnancy test?" I didn't even know why I was asking. Turns out I was pregnant. God led us to a specialist, who prescribed a mega dose of folic acid and a baby aspirin (due to a clotting issue that was the culprit for losing our 1st two). This was fall 2008. And today as I'm typing this my 2 year old son is watching his TV show and I rocking my 4 month old daughter.
I agree with the person who said to stay busy. I got busy, gave it all up to God and it happened in HIS time not mine. You will be in my prayers and thoughts. I hope you figure out your way.
God Bless,
Jenn
Hey sister, I've been there to...I don't know what to say....been keeping to myself lately also...I have him...I know you do to....love you.
Awww Dawn... You need to find someone to open up to. I mean REALLY open up to. Whatever it is that is troubling you- it's never too big for God. He just doesn't always answer like we think He should. Look at Job!! Sitting in ashes, covered with boils, and his family is dead. Yet he did not curse God.
If it were me, I would call Sister Janet and just explain that you think you might have gotten ahead of yourself....and you'd like to resume *just attending* for the time being. ;-) Communication is so important...let them know that your just not sure, and I'll bet they will understand?
And your always welcome at Cleburne. Just let me know if you would like to join me, and we can ride together? Not to derail you...just to give you encouragement while you *breathe*.
Love you.
Kelly
Just want to reassure you all this blog post has nothing to do with my infertility issues. None at all. =)
Enjoyed chatting... I SOOO miss hanging out with you!!! I've been praying for you sister. Just so you know. (((hugs)))
I was reminded of a message I heard awhile back.
In His name, means to ask In His Will.
Just saying, in Your Name, does not make it His Will.
Hard to swallow that, but it sure helped to see things that way.
Here is a link to it, if you are interested.
http://wasillabible.org/wbc/sermons.html
Its the 6/19/11 sermon, praying in Jesus name.
We used to attend WBC, until we found the fellowship we are in now.
Yes, I know, His ways are not our ways and so forth says the Bible...
So I reckon His ways are for people to suffer daily, never get prayers answered, to live a life of constant pain, yet they are supposed to happily follow the leader...
Sometimes all people want is a prayer answered or some glimmer of hope that He is real and is listening to continue on in the journey and they never get it.
Is it any wonder why people stop believing in God?
I'm just saying....
Why push and strive for a yes answer, when it is possible that it wait or no are the answer?
Striving to pray for the answer of our will, as if it is His will, will only leave us disillusioned and unhappy.
"Why push and strive for a yes answer, when it is possible that it wait or no are the answer?"
Then why should we bother to pray at all? He already knows what we are going to ask before we ask it and He knows what the answer will be, so why bother taking the time to pray?
If someone hasn't eaten in 3 days or doesn't have any money for basic essentials like toilet paper, or toothpaste or would just like some clean drinking water and they pray believing, yet it doesn't happen, it's hard to believe such a merciful and graceful God would continuously ignore the basic essentials for them.
It really is hard to believe that but it happens every single day.
It is up to us to give and to help and sacrifice but when you have nothing left to offer, you can't help those in need.
Shouldn't God step in?
Who is to say that God has not stepped in? He allows all of our circumstances for a reason.
"Then why should we bother to pray at all? He already knows what we are going to ask before we ask it and He knows what the answer will be, so why bother taking the time to pray?"
Because you cannot have a relationship that is one way.
Is God stretching you right now? Could it be that he wants you to give all that you have in an area of your home, so that another can survive?
You might be surprised at what God is waiting to give you in return!
Hi, Dawn. I have not visited your blog in a very long time. You mentioned using the blog to sort things out in your mind and perhaps that is exactly what you are doing. The thoughts that came into my mind are Job and his view on God. He would not curse Him like his wife recommended but he felt life was not worth living in such deep pain. Yet God was viewing him all along and asked him a few questions. That is the God of the Bible, Dawn. Moses is another man that comes to mind. He was seemingly left alone for 40 years in the wilderness, not to mention the 40 previously in Egypt, and then God spoke. Does that make God unthoughtful to our needs? Could we say that to the God who can tell the winds to be still. To the one who has spoken to your heart about issues that you cannot reconcile to brush off and say that they are not applicable for us today. Are convictions and our tenderness toward God's leading void because he didn't answer in perhaps the way that we thought He should? Does God not know what you wrote in your blog? I once had someone ask me very early in my Christian walk, after they saw me cheat at school,"I thought you were a Christian?" The Word of God is sharper than any two edged sword, Dawn. Though they thought it funny and unimportant, I heard God speaking to me through those words. My heart melted in sorrow as I realize I had grieved my Lord. I cried tears of repentance because I had disgraced my Lord.
Yes, people suffer. Jesus told us we would always have the poor. But God doesn't lie. He cannot sin. Unearned mercy is still showed to one such as myself...and to many others who seek Him with a sincere heart. He is forever to be praised because He is God! Who are we to demand or question, but adopted, grafted in, forgiven, and barely saved. And therefore....in His tender mercies taking our cares to Him who cares for us.
how often i have been right where you are and yet i still have no magic answers. just know i am here and you are not alone. email me if ya want- agodlyhomemaker@yahoo.com
Dawn, I'm sorry to read of your pain.
You are in good company, you know. Many of David's psalms are lamentations just like yours. Where are you God? Don't I deserve your attention?
I am sure many of us can relate to the feeling of being abandoned, and the confusion of prayers unanswered or answered in a way we do not like. I have been there, for sure.
But God has not lied to us. He made it plain that the world we live in now is fallen, and Jesus said straight out that we *will* have trouble in this world. That is *why* we need him. God's will for us is to know him and worship him.
I do think one thing that messes us up is our Western perception. I believe that physical comfort has crept into the Western concept of Christianity in a way that Jesus *never* promised, nor experienced for himself, even being the Son of God. Contrary to Western thought, it is neither a lack of faith, nor a sign of God's disfavor or abandonment to lack material goods.
When I start feeling this way, I go looking for Christian perspectives from outside my little American bubble. My husband is African, so I don't have to look far. He and his family suffered things we Westerners have a hard time imagining. He remembers eating bark off trees. He remembers walking half the length of his country with his father at the age of 6, in order to reach a mission school. He remembers being forcibly conscripted in the civil war, and all the horrors that war entailed.
He also looks back over his life and sees how God answered prayers and cared for him. God didn't give him cookies and cakes. But he fed my husband. God didn't give his dad a car so evangelisation would be easier. But he opened up church after church to provide shelter to my father in law and his little sons on their journey. God didn't spare my husband from the war and the emotional consequences, but he spared his life so many times.
If you don't know any non-Western Christians, Voice of the Martyrs or Gospel For Asia are good places to go for encouragement in faith during times of suffering.
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